A post not about struggles with society, but struggles with alcoholism and addiction.

As some of you may (or may not) know, I lost my dad a while back. This was because he overdosed on pain killers, alcohol and meth. It has been a battle, struggling with the “wasn’t I good enough for him to stay?”.

For a while I went through a phase where I only remembered my dad fondly. Spoke of him as a good. I martyrized him in his death, as so many of us are apt to do.
I grieved what I wanted from my dad in our relationship, not what was actually there. Because my dad was so emotionally absent, I created this alternate reality where he was everything I wanted him to be, rather than who and what he actually was. I had to create an image of him so I would not be asking myself, why wasn’t I good enough to him?
It took me a long time to not only accept, but to forgive and understand my father.

I hope some one else can find solace in this. Some one’s disease is not your problem to deal with.

you are loved.

A post not about struggles with society, but struggles with alcoholism and addiction.

As some of you may (or may not) know, I lost my dad a while back. This was because he overdosed on pain killers, alcohol and meth. It has been a battle, struggling with the “wasn’t I good enough for him to stay?”.

For a while I went through a phase where I only remembered my dad fondly. Spoke of him as a good. I martyrized him in his death, as so many of us are apt to do.

I grieved what I wanted from my dad in our relationship, not what was actually there. Because my dad was so emotionally absent, I created this alternate reality where he was everything I wanted him to be, rather than who and what he actually was. I had to create an image of him so I would not be asking myself, why wasn’t I good enough to him?

It took me a long time to not only accept, but to forgive and understand my father.

I hope some one else can find solace in this. Some one’s disease is not your problem to deal with.

you are loved.

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